I want to walk on stilts...naked
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
