I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
