If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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