My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
