last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
