i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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