so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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