She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
