My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
