He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
