I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
