He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
