I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
