I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
