Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
