I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
