you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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