I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
