so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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