when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize