There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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