I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
