my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
