I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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