I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
