Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
