we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sext me about skeletons
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
