I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
