At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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