He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
