She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Farmville is her only friend.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
