walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
