At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think your dad took our porno
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
