I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
