hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
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