i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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