Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize