Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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