Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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