Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
