We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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