she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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