I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
