I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
