Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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