i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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