You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
