Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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