i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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