i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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