Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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