I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
