Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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