I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My breasts were aching with rage.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
