this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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