My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
