I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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