I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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