in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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