how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
