after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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