So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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