you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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