don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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