i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
