Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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